so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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