Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
