I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
