Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
