Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
