she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
