Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
