Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Houston, we have a squirter
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
