Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize