what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
