Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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