He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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