Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
