Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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