..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
