i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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