it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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