this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize