dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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