if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
