dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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