ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
