just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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