You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
