he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
