Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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