oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
