There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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