I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
