I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize