get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
