My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
