There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
