last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize