then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize