And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
