I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
