I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
