Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
