We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
