At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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