I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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