Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
