some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
