Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize