They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
