You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
