i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
