I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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