I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Life is so much better after having sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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