He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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