we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
