how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
