Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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