Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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