Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
