You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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