So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize