She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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