Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
