It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
