Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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