is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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