So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
