Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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