is your mom at the bar?
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
