Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Shame - the story of my life.
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