He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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