please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
