she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
