If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
