she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
