I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
