I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my being single is dangerous.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
