I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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