I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
