I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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