Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
