Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
