How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
