Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
