Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
