If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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