and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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