just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
