He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
