your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
