Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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