The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize