Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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