Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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