I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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