She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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