Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
