Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
my liver is dry heaving
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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