If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
