he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
