Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
