last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
