i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
