I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
