Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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