I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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