I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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