Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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