We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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