why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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