I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
