they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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