Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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