well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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