she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
