my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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