I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
