it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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