I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
either way he was missing a nipple.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
