my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize