for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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